Is it in my "genes" or my "jeans"

I was born with "No-arse at All Syndrome".I see few girls with it these days. It seems to be a rare disease, with no guaranteed cure. You can do lunges and squats, but in it's most cases, if you aint born with the hump in your rump, all you can do is fake it....and that only takes you so far. So for those of us with no junk in our trunk, who instead of worrying about a badonka-donk (something I wish I had) frown at our ba-dink-a-dink in the mirrors, I do not know what to tell you, accept to get a good pair of jeans.

6th grade, The Limited Too was all the rage in my school, and I had every color of their jeans that you could buy. I modeled on the weekends for them ( if you call standing still in their store windows for hours) only to get a discount on their clothing, and by God I was gonna wear them. That was until Makeena Howley called me "ironing board butt in the lunch line". I still wore my jeans, with longer shirts....but there was no point, bc I couldn't show off the tag (labels whore-ha) and at that point I realized, it was my"genes".

If I wanted to wear Apple Bottom Jeans, it would look ridiculous. Apple Bottom? You mean "raisin bottom". Good thing I don't like them. So far I have learned that it is ALL in pocket placement, and the rise of the jean. Along with the material. Skinny leg jeans look great on me, as long as the waist isn't too high (too high of fabric in the back leaves more room for your rear to disappear) and too stretchy isn't good, either. What is their to stretch over??? We need something to push what we have up, and camouflage what we don't have, and I am sure that the opposite applies to people with a nice, round tush. (I can't stand y'all, by the way. Singing all those songs about "ready for this jelly" and crap. UGH! Evil witches...where is our song? Us FLAT bottom girls?)

So far, I have found that Guess makes a great "skinny leg" jean (bad picture of me w dark hair after too many vodka/cranberries-why I don't drink). It sits right below the waist, BUT still has a skinny leg and just enough stretch. The lighter color adds more "volume" to your "asset" or "lack-there-of" and the pocket placement is just right. That is the only skinny jean that works for me. For regular jeans, with a slight flared or bootcut leg, Hudson makes a great jean with beautiful, hard to miss pockets on the back that have buttons (in picture to left).Ohhh, busy, busy!!! And if quality of material is your thing, and you have to have vintage,rough looking jeans....Seven for All Mankind has a fit that suits me great, and you can chose more busy pockets if you wish. The Provocateur, by Joe's Jeans (right) fit great if you are petite or on the shorter side, although the pocket placement isn't AS great, the waist and leg makes up for it, and if you get a size too small, it may be way too big in three weeks.Two sizes too small is JUST RIGHT! But no matter what, my favorites have been Lucky, and they never let me down.